Playing Dead to Stay Alive
Playing Dead to Stay Alive [entries|friends|calendar]
Joey hunter

[ website | .at the end of the road, i'll find what i've been longing for. ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Note to self.. [Wednesday, September 10th, 2008 @ 4:07pm]
I should never, ever read my ex wife's livejournal again.

Hi people who still use this site.
1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

Well, it's been a long time.. [Monday, July 30th, 2007 @ 12:10pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

But I'm going to start writing in this more often.

I won't say regularly because I really don't sign online that much anymore due to work restrictions and other reasons.

I updated some shit and deleted people I don't talk to anymore. If I deleted you and you still want to stay in touch, let me know.

That's all for now, I'll have a more indepth entry in the next couple days about where I'm at in my life right now.

3 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 @ 12:31am]
[ mood | sore ]

I can't believe I was the person writing most of these posts.

I'm looking back over alot of shit I wrote and it's definitly weird.

It just goes to show how much people change over time.

I'm going to the gym so much by the time this year is over i'm going to be a beast.

1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

Wow [Tuesday, March 20th, 2007 @ 1:11pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Believe this shit, here I am, back in Afghanistan a year later. Just time it's a year trip instead of that bullshit I went through last year.

Things are rough here. I walked into this thinking since I had a successful experience in Iraq I would make it here without a problem.

That's far from the truth. These two places are like night and day for the most part. Once the spring and summer time hits and the mountain passes start melting, the enemy in Pakistan will flood into the country and I am not looking forward to that at all. This country has the highest land mine percentage per sq. mile in the world. Fun, right?

I think I might get stuck reenlisting in the Army or else I will get stuck doing another tour in Iraq in 2009 right around the time i'm SUPPOSED to get out. But thanks to the Army and what they call stop loss, which keeps people from getting out of the army in order to deploy to iraq, i might become a victim.

I can choose to add 2 more years onto my contract for the Army, go to a different duty station other then Fort Stewart, GA, get roughly 10k in the pocket tax free and possibly even pick a different job other then MP, which is what I have been doing.

God I hate the fucking army but I can tell you I hate iraq even more so.

Whatever. I haven't updated this in over a year and my first post I'm already bitching about shit that is out my control. I hope I make it out of this one alive. Who knows when I'll update this again but if you see me online free to IM me.

-breeding cancer

3 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Sunday, October 8th, 2006 @ 7:12pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Wow, it's been a really long time since I have even looked at or thought of updating this site.

Well then.. I doubt anyone at all even reads this anymore. If you see this on your friends list, leave me a comment.

I'll update this later, though, that's for sure. I have plenty to talk about...

3 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Sunday, January 1st, 2006 @ 7:25am]
[ mood | depressed ]

So, it's been a really really long time since i had the time or even thought about updating this. I know that no one really uses live journal anymore, and I don't care who sees this I just need to get it out and I don't know how else to do it.

I am currently serving overseas at an undisclosed location in the Middle East, again.(yes, that's right. another christmas/new years/birthday wasted again). It's not as dangerous as where I was last year this time, but it won't stop certain individuals from trying to take my life, none the less.

The job I am doing now is very tedious and pain staking. The hours usually take up over half of an entire day and that doesn't even include going to the gym. I've been living at the gym outside of work, trying to lose some pounds and tone myself up a little. I think it's paying off though, I can feel it.

Right now in my life, I am faced with a situation that will forever effect my life and probably alot of people around me. I'm stuck, because I have alot of thoughts running through my head. All I do is have time to think, and I've been doing alot of it trying to hash out where I stand on my marriage. I'm having a real hard time deciding what I want to do and what I need to do for myself at this point in my life.

No concrete decisions will be made until I return home, but until then, I have alot of shit running through my head. I'm seeing that I'm having a real hard time trying to open up and talk to the people closest to me, especially kryzzy. I just can't do it, but I finally did it today on the phone and told her how I have been feeling. She's really doing her best to get by without me while I am here and is a real sweetheart about the whole situation, I just have something inside of me that is telling me this is the wrong path for me to take in my life. As happy as I have been and as good of times that we've had, these feelings still exist and they're coming to the surface.

I really don't know what to do, but I'm sure that by the time I come home I will have come to some sort of conclusion about what I need to do with myself and my life. I'm not sure if the rest of my life will include her but I'm going to do my best to figure all of this out. I love her more then anything in my life, but I just don't feel the same way that I did last year this time. It's sad, and really depressing to say it like that but It's about time I start being honest with myself. If I don't start now, this shit is going to get worse then it already is.

One thing I've learned rescently is that if I bottle up my feelings and let them eat away at me, the consequences are at a high price. Something pretty bad could happen, so that's why I'm going to take care of it now.

I can't wait to come home, though. This place is shitty and really stagnant. There's no pulse here, just a living machine. The gears are slowly grinding away at me. That is one thing that I am sure of.

Oh, yeah, by the way.. merry Christmas and happy new year. I'll be 21 in 45 days.

2 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Monday, October 31st, 2005 @ 5:47pm]
[ mood | listless ]

The 47 Ronin

The story of the 47 Ronin is one of the most celebrated in the history of the samurai. This was perhaps all the more so because it occurred at a time when the samurai class was struggling to maintain a sense of itself - warriors with no war, a social class without a function.

The tale could be said to have begun with the teachings of Yamaga Soko (1622-1685), an influential theorist who wrote a number of important works on the warrior spirit and what it meant to be samurai. His writings inspired a certain Ôishi Kuranosuke Yoshio, a samurai and retainer of Asano Takumi no kami Naganori (1667-1701), who led a branch of the powerful Asano family.
It happened that Lord Asano was chosen by the shogun, Tokugawa Tsunayoshi, to be one of a number of daimyo tasked with entertaining envoys from the Imperial family. To assist him in this new duty, the Bakufu's highest ranking master of protocol, Kira Kozukenosuke Yoshinaka (1641-1702), was assigned to instruct him in matters of etiquette. Kira, it seems, was a somewhat difficult character and expected Asano to compensate him monetarily for the trouble, which Asano held was simply his duty. The two grew to dislike one another intensely, and Kira made every effort to embarrass his student. Finally, in April of 1702, the situation exploded within the shogun's palace - Kira insulted Asano once again, prompting the latter to draw his sword and swing at him. Kira was only wounded in the attack and Asano was promptly placed under confinement.

Striking another man in anger was against the law - doing so within the shogun's palace was unthinkable. Asano made little effort to defend himself during questioning except to say that he bore the shogun no ill will and only regretted that he had failed to kill Kira.
After the o-metsuke (inspector-generals) had completed their investigation of the matter, the shogunate passed down a sentence of death on Asano, ordering him to slit his belly at once. The shogun also decreed that his 50,000-koku fief at Akô in Harima was to be confiscated and his brother Daigaku placed under house arrest.

When the news of the unfortunate event reached Asano's castle, his retainers were thrown into an uproar and argued heatedly over what to do next. Some favored accepting their lot quietly and dispersing as ronin, while another group called for a defense of the castle and an actual battle with the government. Ôishi Kuranosuke, who urged the retainers to give up the castle peacefully and struggle to rehabilitate the Asano family while at the same time preparing to take revenge on Kira, sounded the view that prevailed.

Accordingly, a band of Asano retainers - now ronin - set out on a carefully planned road to revenge. Kira was no fool, and expecting some sort of attempt on his life by the Asano men increased his personal guard. Ôishi's scheme was therefore to lull their quarry into complacency, biding their time while they waited for the right moment. To this end the ronin hid away a cache of weapons and armor before ostensibly dispersing, some taking up menial jobs while others, like Ôishi himself, let it seem that they had lost any concern for their futures. Ôishi left his wife and began frequenting all of Edo's houses of ill repute, carousing with prostitutes and engaging in drunken brawls. On one occasion, a samurai from Satsuma is supposed to have come across Ôishi drunk in the street and spat upon him, saying that he was no real samurai.

Needless to say, Kira began to doubt that he was in any real danger, and within a year had relaxed his guard. It was at that point that the ronin struck. 47 of them gathered on 14 December 1702 and, after donning the armor and taking up the weapons from the cache, they set out on their revenge on that same snowy night. Once at Kira's Edo mansion, they divided into two groups and attacked, with one group entering through the rear of the compound while the rest forced their way through the front, battering the gate down with a mallet. Kira's men, many of whom were killed or wounded, were taken completely by surprise but did put up a spirited resistance (one of the ronin was killed in the attack), though ultimately to no avail: Kira was found in an outhouse and presented to Ôishi, who offered him the chance to commit suicide. When Kira made no reply, Ôishi struck off his head with the same dagger that Asano had used to kill himself with. Kira's head was then put in a bucket and carried to the Sengakuji, where Asano was buried. After Ôishi and the others had given the bloody trophy to the spirit of Asano, they turned themselves in.

The assassination of Kira placed the government in a difficult situation. After all, the 46 survivors now awaiting their fate had lived up to the standards of loyalty expected of true samurai and the ideals propounded by such men as Yamaga Soko. Additionally, the decision to order Asano to commit suicide and confiscate his domain while taking no action against Kira had not been popular (at least one of the inspectors at the time had been demoted for protesting the verdict). Nonetheless, the Bakufu decided that the maintenance of order would once again have to prevail, and so the ronin were ordered to commit suicide - a sentence suggested by the famous Confucian scholar Ogyû Sorai (1666-1728). They were at this time divided up into four groups under guard by four different daimyo, yet once they had all died, their bodies were buried together at the Sengakuji.1 Legend has it that the Satsuma samurai who had spit upon Ôishi in the street came to the temple and slit his own belly to atone for his insults.

The Revenge of the 47 Ronin continued to spark controversy throughout the Edo Period. One view had it that Ôishi and his men had in fact erred in waiting as long as they had, that in so doing they risked Kira dying (he was, after all, over 60) and their efforts coming to naught. This was, for example, the view of Yamamoto Tsunetomo (author of the famed Hagakure).2 The Confucian scholar Sato Naotaka (1650-1719) criticized the ronin for taking action at all, as the shogun's decision to order Asano to commit suicide should have ended the matter there and then. He also shared Tsunetomo's belief that the ronin ought to have commited suicide at the Sengakuji once their deed was done. In giving themselves up to be judged, they appeared to have hoped to receive a light sentence and therefore continue living -a shameful objective, given their crimes. At the same time, Naotaka reserved his harshest words for Kira, whom he called a coward and whose precipitation of the whole affair had led to so many deaths.
Other writers did not share those views. Men like Asami Yasuda (1652-1711) defended the actions of the ronin as being appropriate (if not actually challenging the Bakufu's decisions) and Chikamatsu wrote a favorable play (Chushin-gura) that became an instant and timeless classic. In the end, the Ôishi Kuranosuke and his ronin became the stuff of legend, and continue to spawn books, movies, and television shows at a prodigious rate. The Sengakuji is still a popular spot in Tokyo and a place for modern admirers of what many feel were the finest examples of samurai loyalty to emerge from the Edo Period.

1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Wednesday, October 12th, 2005 @ 4:48pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Been working 15 hour days and finally I have my two days off.

I leave for a deployment soon. I get to miss Christmas, New Years, my 21st Birthday and my wife's birthday. I'm alread tired of this shit. They tell us one thing, but we all already know the deal.

I guess my life is one downward spiral. I mean, at least I'm not going back to Mosul.

Wouldn't surprise me if I got off the plane back in the States and they turned around and sent me right back to Iraq.

The new Thrice album Vheissu is amazing and beautiful.

Nothing is certain or concrete in my life right now, and I hate it. I don't even feel like myself anymore.

And the only time I post on here is when I'm bitching or when I find out some bullshit.

1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Tuesday, October 4th, 2005 @ 9:45am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

This day a year ago I left for Iraq. Today is a day thast has changed my life forever because I never thought I would be where I am today, happily married and alive. I will be going back to that place within the next 7 months, but until then..

That's if anyone actually even reads this shit anymore.

4 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Thursday, September 29th, 2005 @ 10:52am]
[ mood | restless ]

my head is pounding.

they have me on a new medication called effexor. it is supposed to make me feel good about what has taken place in my life over the past year and a half, and even farther back.

it makes me feel light headed. i still feel the same and have the same thoughts running through my head. i've tried normal, every day things to try and make myself be more positive about my life and it's not working.

i can still feel the weight on my back and my chest. one day it will be lifted and i will be free.

3 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Friday, September 9th, 2005 @ 9:01pm]
niggas talking shit

15 hour days

giving people tickets, pulling people over and arresting them

it's fun, really, let me tell you
1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Saturday, August 20th, 2005 @ 10:07pm]
4th25, Live from Iraq

Everyone listen to this. It's a hip hop group, but even if you don't like hip hop, it's worth listening to. The wordplay is amazing and the beats are off the hook.

I have work at 3am

I've gotten like 12 hrs of sleep in the past 4 days.

Kryzzy is coming home soon.

I miss her dearly.
1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Friday, August 12th, 2005 @ 7:19pm]
[ mood | not good ]

Have you ever gotten so depressed you don't even know what to do with yourself anymore?

Even when I have people coming at you from all directions tell you what's right and what's wrong, what I should care about and what I shouldn't. I just don't care anymore. I stopped taking my medication, I think I'm having some withdrawl and I really don't like it. I don't feel good. I think this about sums up the way I feel.

I'm dead on the surface, but I'm screaming underneath.

6 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Monday, August 1st, 2005 @ 4:01pm]
[ mood | blah ]

who wants to have my job, and i can have yours?

2 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

Wow [Monday, July 25th, 2005 @ 12:40am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Go ahead, ask me what i've done with my summer.

4 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Sunday, May 29th, 2005 @ 2:19pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

So it's the end of May, Memorial Day weekend. The beginning of summer, pretty much.

I hate the Army, and my Company even more then I could possibly ever imagine. I might be getting discharged from the Army soon, though. Due to some problems I have been experiencing since I have gotten back they are thinking about letting me go if the anti depressant medication and sleeping pills they prescribed me doesn't work like it's supposed to.

If they do, I can't wait. Fuck iraq, fuck the Army standard, and fuck this two faced bullshit I'm confronted with every day.

I have a job offer lined up for me already and the terms of the discharge I would recieve if I do indeed seperate from the Army would be Honorable.. so if my job offer right now doesn't work out I can surely find another job considering I will be getting out on the best discharge they can give out.

Living life one day at a time. I don't even talk to any of you people anymore except like Will and Ryan. Say hi sometime.

4 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Sunday, April 24th, 2005 @ 11:07am]
Your brain: 120% interpersonal, 40% visual, 60% verbal, and 180% mathematical!
Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.

Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:

  1. Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
  2. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
  3. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

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You scored higher than 91% on interpersonal

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You scored higher than 57% on visual

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You scored higher than 72% on verbal

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You scored higher than 90% on mathematical
Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on Ok Cupid
1 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Thursday, April 21st, 2005 @ 4:29pm]
[ mood | tired ]

I love....

being married.
my apartment.
my car.
my wife.

I hate....

15-17 hour work days.
5 mile runs.
My new MP company.
Ego maniac faggots that love the Army.
The middle east.
The government.


I am going to drive to Atlanta to see All Shall Parish, Seventh Star and Death before Dishonor on Saturday night.

I love Kryzzy cause she's so delicious... I love Kryzzy.

Go to this website:

14 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Monday, March 21st, 2005 @ 5:54pm]
[ mood | content ]

Wow, it's been a really long time since I updated this shit. Since she's still asleep and I'm not doing much anyway I'll drop sone knowledge on you people who actually read this.

I got married on March 15th to Christine Luckinbill, who's now Christine Hunter. She hates being called Christine and likes Kryzzy alot more, but that's what the certificate says so ha.

We didn't have a big, family oriented ceremony but in August/September time frame we will be renewing our vows in front of our families and friends. It'll be held up in NJ/PA area, so more news on this to come once we further plan this out.

I'm in TN right now on block leave. I left Fort Stewart on March 19th, got here the same day and later on this evening we are headed up to Philly to see her family. Spent some quality time here with my family. It was my first time here in TN since they moved here, it's beautiful here. I'm happy with the location, especially considering it's not too far away. I got some photos of us I'll post up on here later sometime.

It's going to be real weird seeing alot of people I haven't seen in a real long long time. I'm a little nervous about seeing all these people I used to know and meeting all of her friends. It's still weird adjusting to life back into the states and dealing with non-military shit. It doesn't seem real, but it is.

I secured my own apartment right outside base at Fort Stewart that we're going to be living at. 2 bedroom, 2 bath between my friend Brandon, Kryzzy and I. Between the rent being split between Brandon and I, I am only going to end up paying 290$ a month for rent. That's good, real good considering the place we're going to be moving into is real nice and is located at the perfect location. He's got his own bathroom and bedroom, so do we. So it's pretty much seperated and we have our own corners to ourselves.

My leave is over on April 4th when 0630 that morning I have to be standing in PT formation in my new company, the 546th MP Company. I had rescently just got moved because this is a brand new unit put together and they took a bunch of us from the 293rd to go to this Company and help train up with these new cats and get them up to speed on what it's like to be a Military Police soldier in the US Army. I'm tired of this gay shit but I won't be in the Army forever so I might as well just deal with it for now, considering it's my job, etc. At least I'm not a bum.

I'll be up in PA/NJ on Tuesday afternoon so if you want to kick it sometime, let me know, I'll be there until April 2nd.

Will and Ryan, hit me up when you get the chance.


12 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

[Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005 @ 2:16pm]
yes i am home at fort stewart.

yes, she's smiling at me making kissy faces right now.

it's good to be home, it feels real good.
3 Have Come Out Swinging | Let Em Have It

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